Facing my sin to Focus on God

This past weekend was a respite for Gary and me. Instead of worrying over Luke's neck issues and trying to figure everything out, we each took the time to pray, fellowship, and worship God. Gary's way of letting things settle in his mind was to finish painting the pergolas on the back porch. He did a wonderful job, by the way! When he came into the house that evening, I could tell he was at peace and not struggling with anxiety and worry over Luke. He later told me that he was able to (while mindlessly painting) focus on God, the past struggles He has brought us through, and how he is now assured that whatever the MRI shows, he will trust God with Luke.
I was able to spend a lot of time with a dear Christian friend. We didn't talk about Luke. We didn't focus on what I didn't know or understand. We talked about our struggles and sinfulness. We talked about being imperfect mothers and wives; how we long to do what is right, but lose our tempers, get obsessed with how we are being treated and allow bitterness to take root. It was encouraging to know we share the same struggles and that God has given us the way to know how to deal with them: His Word.
After spending time at church yesterday and doing devotions with Gary, I know I also struggle with loving God when I've been hurt. My first inclination is to lash out and hurt whoever hurt me. I hold back forgiveness thinking I can't let someone get away with hurting me. This is not the gospel. This is not what being a Christian is. God expects me to behave and act like Christ, His Son. His Son who, while I was still a sinner and hated Him, loved me and died a humiliating death in my place. He paid the price for my unwillingness to forgive others and love God.
What a wonderful God I serve. What a blessing to know He loves me even when I hurt him and He refuses to hold back forgiveness. He gives me His forgiveness so willingly and I will never, ever deserve it.
The hymn we sang during family worship last night was Amazing Love. Here are the words, so beautiful, so sweet, so true:
And can it be that I should gain an interest in the Saviour's blood? Died he for me, who cause his pain? For me, who him to death pursued? Amazing Love, how can it be, that thou my God shouldst die for me?
Amazing Love! How can it be that thou my God shouldst die for me?
'Tis mystery all! The Immortal dies; who can explore his strange design? In vain the firstborn seraph tries to sound the depths of love divine. 'Tis mercy all! Let earth adore, let angel minds inquire no more.
Amazing Love! How can it be that thou my God shouldst die for me?
He left his Father's throne above (so free, so infinite His grace!) humbled Himself (so great his love!) and bled for all his chosen race. 'Tis mercy all, immense and free; for O my God, it found out me.
Amazing Love! How can it be that thou my God shouldst die for me?
Long my imprisoned spirit lay fast bound in sin and nature's night; thine eye diffused a quickening ray; I woke, the dungeon flamed with light; my chains fell off, my heart was free; I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
Amazing Love! how can it be that thou my God shouldst die for me?
No condemnation now I dread; Jesus, and all in him, is mine! Alive in him, my living Head, and clothed in righteousness divine, bold I approach the eternal throne, and claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Amazing Love! How can it be that thou my God shouldst die for me?
(written by Charles Wesley, 1738)